"ON THE ROAD TO GLORY"

Monday, May 29, 2006

Welcome to Miss Rosies Wisdom. This blog is an experiment I am conducting of posting my random thoughts for 365 days and then on May 29, 2007 I am going to look back and see where I was and where I am.

So many things are happening so fast that I just want to have a record of one year for savoring once gone.

8:05 am Monday (Memorial Day) May 27, 2006 What happens when you discover your creative soul and renew and rebirth your relationship with God all at the same time? What happens when you can look inside and realize you have a lot of refining to do, admit your mistakes, view your shortcomings, marvel at your talent, feel blessed by the love of your spouse, have the joy of creating everyday with your best friend (your mom), look at yourself and know you need to be more active and lose 50 pounds.

You could be overwhelmed or you could just be a WILDWOMAN http://wildwomancreations.com

10:00 p.m. Just got back from the casino....my place to zone. It's amazing how many people sit at the slot machines in a world all their own...it's really, really amazing how much money is being spent by people in casinos. I wonder if everyone really has that much extra cash to spend. I also know that most people do not win and mostly, if you ask, they will tell you they win, all the time. It's nice to say that, but, in the long run, it's not true. There will always be the person that wins and that person is the most envied and the most noticed, leaving all the losers to go unnoticed. Speaking of losers.....I am going to give a suggestion to the Oregon Lottery Commission. When you place your ticket in the machine to see if you have won, it says.....usually...."not a winner" Well....I'm sorry.....I am a winner, we all are winners and I think the machine should say, "Not this time....try your luck again" or something like that. I get tired of having a machine tell me I'm not a winner.....cause I am a winner and so are you......

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Now that I have advertised my blog in the paper as a spiritual and artistic journey of a reborn Christian and a reborn Artist....Wow what a ride...... I guess I need to give a little history so those who do not know me will understand where I was in my past life and why I am writing this now....

I married at 18, not for love, but because I was pregnant. I had a wonderful son and a miserable marriage. But I was never one to give up and besides it was too easy just to let things slide.

When I was 31 my son was hit by a car and died at the age of 13. My husband and I each proceeded to go our own way in destroying our lives. Alcohol, drugs and rock and roll.

I was lucky in that I could keep up appearances during the day and had a rewarding career in the medical field. One of my conventions brought me to Portland, Oregon and my husband and I fell in love with the Oregon Coast. The marriage was still miserable but tolerable and I saw hope in moving to Oregon to get my husband out from under the control of cocaine. From the beginning of time I have always wanted to fix everyone but myself.

At 40 we moved to Oregon to begin our new life. Seven years later my husband was dead at age 60 from a horrific disease, interstitial fibrosis. I cared for him during the progressive disease which lasted 3 years. He died on father's day. As I sat in the room that morning waiting for the undertaker, I could only feel that our son had come to take his Dad home. I should probably note that from the time my son died I had written God off. There was no answer for me as to why children have to die, especially mine. During my husband's illness, I would walk past the chapel at Providence Hospital and something would call to me to come in and I would deny it, get away from me. I want no part of a God that appears unjust. Then 9/11 happened and that really cemented it in my mind that God wasn't worth the effort letting innocent people die so unfairly.

During one of my tirades about this, to a Christian, there appeared behind him, in blazing letters....."JESUS" Somehow I accepted what had happened in my life as God's will, I could not understand, I just had to accept and believe in his mercy.....and that is the day I accepted Jesus as my savior.

Instantly I was given a person to love, I was given my new husband's two wonderful children and then grandchildren. All that I had lost was given back to me...on faith, blind faith...because we can never begin to understand God's plan......Now I was right with God but I had not let him dwell in my heart and in my consciousness and I had not yet begun a relationship with my savior.

Then my new husband's 31 year old son was diagnosed with osteosarcoma and died..... but not before he brought his Dad and me back into the Lord's house and we became re-committed to God's plan for our lives, his word and his house.

I feel so very blessed that God did not EVER give up on me and he will NEVER give up on anyone until the very end...

Giving up the remote control has not been easy since I am a control freak and have always believed I was the one directing my life. But....I can only suggest trying it....you will be amazed at what happens and the joy it brings.....